~~ Blessed with work, good, honest work that I have been gifted to do. Blessed with healthy, active, and thank God, happy children to share life with. This week's many events... my niece's first holy communion (may God bless her), a Saints wax museum project for my oldest daughter (She was St. Perpetua), a biography project due for the same girl, personal time with oldest son, ballgames on two different nights, getting home at 9 and 10 o'clock pm on those ballgame nights. The twin's homework only partially finished. Life is full, albeit heavy. I am praying over our schedule daily now, asking for the grace to somehow maintain some balance and peace. I know May is always a little nuts. Then suddenly summer break arrives and a blessed breather arrives along with it.
~~ It is Saturday and last week was survived with some modicum of grace/success. This morning I gave myself permission to lay still in bed for an extra hour and process...life.
Wow. This life. Not exactly how I imagined it would all play out. I Never dreamed I could manage the weight of four children amidst the challenges that have thrown themselves on the path over the last several years. I always cringe to speak the word 'suffering' in context to myself because I don't want to be overly dramatic or martyr like.
But, there has been suffering. A lot. I know it's real because I must rely on prayer and my relationship with God in order to make it through each week. This last week, I felt the weight of it all anew. I asked myself, again, "Where is this person who is supposed to be at my side helping carry some of this responsibility"? He's busy too. It hits me all over again.
~~ Always, always my prayer going on for my oldest son. Lately, so many prayers are being answered. So my hope concerning my prayers for him is substantially boosted. I know God hears the prayers of a mother. But I feel like I have failed my boy, and continue to do so, which causes me to wonder if my prayer is as effective as it could be. This particular ache is constant. I thank God for faith, Mass, and the rosary. They will win the day, in God's time. They will show me the answers.
~~ I am so thankful for these answered prayers - finally - that I almost have lost the ability to complain. Almost. Even when I do slip into complaining, I still revert back to feelings of deep gratitude for blessings fairly quickly. God is so good.
~~ I received an extra mother's day card from my girl quickly growing into a young lady. It was brief..."I love you!" But then, the zinger that is possibly one of my favorite group of words ever addressed to me in a card..."you remind me of the Blessed Mother". I was in speechless awe and surprise and my eyes blurred for a minute there. Those are very big shoes to fill. It made me feel a sense of new mission and prayer that I will somehow be able to live up to that sentiment. Truly, I can't. But I want to try with the help of the Blessed Mother. I completely trust her with everything. Someday, I'm going to write a book about all the graces she has proffered for me and mine. God willing ;) that is.
~~ Getting ready for summer, I compiled a summer reading list. I also compiled a summer project list, trying to be reasonable with my goals. 12 golden weeks of family time, slower days, reading, growing some flowers and plants. I am ready. The kids are ready. Lord bless this summer time in every way.
God bless and goodnight.